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“It’s amazing how many people become overnight experts on Oklahoma real estate and moving matters when you tell them you are downsizing.” -Bill Schafbuch, Downsizing Client 5 Truths of Family Communication TRUTH #1: Family members do the best they can with the knowledge, experience, and resources they have available to them.  In the absence of instructions, people will rally around those they care about and do extraordinary things to support them. What they do and how they do it will depend on their capabilities, time, and resources.  Question for seniors: What time, knowledge, experience, and resources might your family members and friends have when it comes to downsizing? How well and often do they communicate with you about your goals and desires? TRUTH #2: When we are ill, in pain, fatigued, or in crisis, we often abdicate decision-making to others and assume they will be able to act on our behalf and follow our wishes. There is no shame in asking for or accepting help from others, especially when we are dealing with illness, disease, or overwhelm. When family isn’t available, goodfriends, neighbors, and organizations can serve as surrogate family members. Question for seniors: What legal documents need to be in place allowing others to be of assistance? Are the documents up to date, accessible, and appropriate forthose who may need them. TRUTH #3: As people begin to reach a certain age, one or more of their adult children will often assume the role of expert advisor. Is the person who naturally assumes this role in your family the one you want in charge of your housing, downsizing, relocation, and related processes? Question for seniors: What conversations do you need to have with various family members to ensure you have the right support from the right people? What isholding you back from having these discussions? TRUTH #4: There are two types of moves: Voluntary and involuntary. Those who downsize voluntarily (before they “need” to) tend to acclimate easier and faster, and typically have better physical and emotional health going forward. People who choose their living arrangements, decide the timing of their move, and who oversee the arrangements report feeling empowered, independent, andaccomplished. Question for seniors: Do you have specific criteria and a plan for self-assessment to determine when the time is right for you to make a move and to where you willmove? TRUTH #5: Communicating about certain age-related issues can be hard for some family members. If the dialog isn’t opened by someone, important topics may never be discussed. Families are busy. Life is happening. Crises are simply ever-evolving circumstances that occur gradually – then suddenly. When individuals and families are willing to talk about the “what-if’s” and the fears or concerns about the future, they manage crises more effectively and have fewer regrets. Transparency, honesty, and empathy for everyone involved are all important in these communications. Question for seniors: When is the best time to have “hard conversations” with the people who matter most in my life? Who will open the dialog? What is my goal forhaving these discussions? Who can help me get started? _________________________________ Choosing the best place to live as we get older is not a simple matter. In fact, a mere outline listing the complexities inherent in this decision would extend well beyond the allowable word count  when you take the time to click HERE and read about “Moving As You Age: Where, When and How.”   

Meet Ray… My mom passed away last year. Although we all talked about the possibilities associated with my mom’s passing, I found myself simply unprepared for the tasks associated with closing out her estate. My siblings, although well-meaning, didn’t have the time nor expertise to help. I wasn’t sure what to do or where to turn. A bit like a fish out of water, I reached out to my mom’s family attorney. I later found out that she hadn’t spoken to him several years. He had done a Last Will and Testament for her and Dad way back, but since Dad’s death, she had not really needed their help. I guess that’s a good thing. Questions…questions…questions… Talking to the attorney about what steps I needed to take to close out my mom’s estate, he gave me a ton of information, but for the most part, he did the heavy lifting. There were petitions to be filed and court dates to be scheduled. It seems that I would need to be named as a personal representative before I could actually do anything to get the ball rolling. I would then be tasked with taking an inventory of what my mom owned and making plans for what to do with her things. Overwhelm… It would be one thing if all I needed to do was the legal stuff. The attorney was actually a really good guy. He kept me informed and seemed to know the in’s and out’s of the probate process. But what I quickly realized is that Mom had not really been too good at keeping up with her house. She had been in rather poor health for a while. She had accumulated a lot of stuff and wasn’t terribly organized. To put it simply, I was overwhelmed. My wife didn’t have time to deal with all this either. How could I even ask her? My brother and sister were both out of state and had full time jobs and kids. How would I get all of these things out so we could even start to think about selling the house? Thank goodness for experts… I mentioned to the attorney one day that I wasn’t sure what to do with Mom’s house. I told him I felt ill-equipped and didn’t know where to begin. Much to my surprise he said, “Oh, there are people who do all those things. They can help you sort through the personal items and choose what you want to keep and then help you liquidate the rest. They are called move managers and they can help with both the emotional and logistical challenges that seem so overwhelming.” He gave me the number for OKC Mature Moves and the rest is history. Not only did this group of people take the burden off of me and my siblings, but they seemed to really care about Mom and her legacy. I am so grateful to my attorney who made the introduction and who saved me a ton of time and frustration. In fact, I just referred him and the OKC Mature Moves team to a buddy of mine from high school who just lost his dad. Thank goodness for experts.

Joyce tells her story My husband passed away last year in November. Although we had planned for many possible scenarios, I simply didn’t think this particular one would ever come true. But it did. Having no children or other family members to lean on, I wasn’t sure what to do or where to turn.  My husband was my rock. Despite his physical challenges, he was the one who kept things going. He handled the finances, paid the bills, filed our tax returns, and made sure our home maintenance was kept up. He was my everything.  Feeling a little lost and not sure where to begin, I decided to go meet with my financial advisor. I wanted to know more about our financial situation and to find out if I may be able to afford to move to an assisted living community where I could be around people. The thought of living alone, especially through the winter, was scary for me. Thank goodness for my financial advisor and his staff! My financial advisor knew I didn’t have any family to help me move and was kind enough to help me make arrangements. He and his assistant even loaded a few things in their cars and took them over to my new place. They helped me order a new twin bed that would fit better in the small apartment. I am very grateful to my advisor and his staff. But after they moved me, I was still unsure how I would get through the rest of my things and arrange to sell the house. I didn’t expect my advisor and his staff to do this. It did weigh heavily on me, however, because it was sitting there in my old home with no one to check in on it. My car was still in the garage and I figured the battery was probably drained. I was still paying utility bills, insurance, association fees, and other expenses in addition to the large rent payment at my new apartment. A miracle moment A couple of months after moving, a friend asked me to lunch. There were a few other women there I didn’t know. One of the women said that she specialized in assisting seniors like me with downsizing. She told me about their complete process including everything from start to finish. It was a miracle moment for sure and I talked her ear off for the entire meal. We made plans to meet again to discuss how to get the rest of my personal items to my new apartment and then get the home sold.   We had no more gotten started when the unexpected happened. COVID-19 became a global pandemic. This required communities like mine to restrict visitors. I was also told I couldn’t go out because I might get the virus and bring it back to others. I felt defeated. In fact, I wondered how or when I would ever be able to take care of the things left at my old home. I also worried about the financial situation. As time went on, I really needed the funds from the sale of my home to continue paying my rent. It is rather expensive to live in assisted living. But even more than the money, I felt alone. Other people had their personal things to look at and books to read or hobbies to do. I had nothing of my own. It was all still at my home. It felt a bit like living in a hotel – except with no pictures on the walls.  Zoom… zoom… zoom One day, out of the blue, the woman from OKC Mature Moves whom I had met at lunch called. She said she may have an idea about how to help get my things to me and get the house sold. She told me we could do a Zoom call. I had no idea what a Zoom call was, but I was happy to do it if she could teach me. She called my community and asked if they could provide me with a computer or tablet so we could talk. They did it! Next thing I knew, I was looking at my new friend on a monitor and we were creating a plan. The next time we talked (Zoomed) she was standing in the living room of my old house.  Over the next several weeks we did three or four Zoom calls. Each time she walked me about my house so I could pick out what I wanted to keep and what I no longer needed. I was so blessed. Each call was two or three hours long and it was a lot of work – more for her and her assistants than for me, but making decisions was no easy task either. She told me it was normal to have what she called “decision fatigue.” So much stuff Once we had finished with the deciding, they boxed many things to be shipped to my sister out of state. They also boxed things to deliver to me. We still weren’t sure how I would get them, but this was a good first step. We marked the furniture I wanted delivered to my new apartment and made a list of things that could be sold or donated.  My new friends at OKC Mature Moves (even though I was paying them, they seemed more like friends) arranged a meeting with an estate sale person. They told me all about how online sales work, but they really weren’t sure if there was enough left to sell for a profit. I had collections from many years that I really didn’t want to just give away, so they found a liquidator who would take on the sale. This process took a while. They finished it a few weeks later and I was so excited to get a check – not a lot, but it was something. Time to sell the home Then the house was to be sold. I

I wrote a blog a while back on how our team focuses on being educators and advocates before anything else and thought that those who read it may be curious as to just how we go about choosing which referral partners become a part of our trusted professional network of service providers. So, if you are curious, here is a bit about our process…. Step 1: Clarity about our standards First we developed standards for the type of person or organization that we would consider as trusted providers in a variety of areas. As you can imagine, due to the nature of our business, there are lots of people, services, and organizations that may be involved in working with our clients from time to time. By having standards, we are able to weed out the chaff and only get into relationship with quality folks. As you read the criterion for becoming an OKC Mature Moves trusted referral partner, you may be surprised to find that we are not just focused on services — we are focused on purpose and intention, as well as the approach and fundamental values by which people operate. Step 2: Information gathering and vetting We seek out potential partners and take applications from those want to be considered a part of our team. I say ‘team’ because if they truly are a fit, this is how we function…like a winning team. The application gives us basic information about services they provide, references we can call, and the applicability of their services to our clients. Step 3: Personal interviews We meet with each and every potential referral partner personally. Depending on the company and the nature of their business, we may want to meet with the owner or the manager, but sometimes we want to meet with their day-to-day service providers too. We have learned over the years that managers and owners can be excellent spokespeople, but not necessarily excellent at hiring or training. Not only are we looking at what type of services they provide and how they provide them — we are assessing WHY they do what they do. Are they money motivated or people motivated — are they servant leadership minded or are they in business strictly for profit sake? Step 4: Background and insurance Following a personal interview, assuming they have met our what, how, who, and why criteria, we seek to verify information such as insurance, licensure, references, and other pertinent details. Sometimes this is easier said than done, but when our clients count on us for only referring the most reputable and capable service providers and companies, we believe it is worth the effort and time it takes. Step 5: Inspect what we expect Last, but certainly not least, we closely monitor how our partners work together with our clients. Does this person serve our client as an extension of our team and with the same high level of service that we expect for ourselves? Are we proud to say we recommended them? As long as the answers to these questions are ‘yes,’ they continue as trusted referral partners. If not, we set them free and top grade by choosing other providers who fit the criteria. You see, here at OKC Mature Moves, we serve in the role of coach and quarterback, calling the plays and leading the team. Each team member is masterful in his or her position and is able to execute plays on behalf of our client and the transaction effortlessly and flawlessly the majority of the time. What happens when someone drops the ball? While trusted referral partner selections are based on pre-established criterion, personal interviews, and favorable third party references, the reality is that the only way to find out if a team member is a fit in “real life” is by working together. When it comes to dropped balls, it’s how they are handled that ultimately counts. At OKC Mature Moves, we aren’t perfect, but we have integrity and we do what is right — regardless of the reasons it didn’t go right. Our referral partners must do the same or they aren’t referral partners any longer. Integrity  It’s important to point out here that ultimately there is  one criteria we weigh most heavily in our selection process — Integrity. With the number of people, companies, and organizations out there explicitly devoted to exploiting the vulnerabilities of our elders, we have taken a stance. We don’t partner with just anyone. We know that there are times when the right thing for the client is in direct opposition to what is best for our own bottom line. There are also times that, through education, the information we provide may influence a client to make a decision that negatively impacts the bottom line of a referral partner. Our partners know (and concur) that the clients’ bests interests ALWAYS supersede those of our own. Thank you for taking the time to learn more about our process at OKC Mature Moves and if we can ever be of service to you, please call us at 405-563-7101! If you are a service provider who caters to mature clients and their family members or caregivers, please join us in our efforts to educate, empower, and equip Oklahoma’s downsizing and relocating seniors by filling out an application!