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5 Truths of Family Communication for Seniors Staying in Charge of Downsizing Decisions

“It’s amazing how many people become overnight experts on Oklahoma real estate and moving matters when you tell them you are downsizing.” -Bill Schafbuch, Downsizing Client 5 Truths of Family Communication TRUTH #1: Family members do the best they can with the knowledge, experience, and resources they have available to them. In the absence of instructions, people will rally around those they care about and do extraordinary things to support them. What they do and how they do it will depend on their capabilities, time, and resources. Question for seniors: What time, knowledge, experience, and resources might your family members and friends have when it comes to downsizing? How well and often do they communicate with you about your goals and desires? TRUTH #2: When we are ill, in pain, fatigued, or in crisis, we often abdicate decision-making to others and assume they will be able to act on our behalf and follow our wishes. There is no shame in asking for or accepting help from others, especially when we are dealing with illness, disease, or overwhelm. When family isn’t available, goodfriends, neighbors, and organizations can serve as surrogate family members. Question for seniors: What legal documents need to be in place allowing others to be of assistance? Are the documents up to date, accessible, and appropriate forthose who may need them. TRUTH #3: As people begin to reach a certain age, one or more of their adult children will often assume the role of expert advisor. Is the person who naturally assumes this role in your family the one you want in charge of your housing, downsizing, relocation, and related processes? Question for seniors: What conversations do you need to have with various family members to ensure you have the right support from the right people? What isholding you back from having these discussions? TRUTH #4: There are two types of moves: Voluntary and involuntary. Those who downsize voluntarily (before they “need” to) tend to acclimate easier and faster, and typically have better physical and emotional health going forward. People who choose their living arrangements, decide the timing of their move, and who oversee the arrangements report feeling empowered, independent, andaccomplished. Question for seniors: Do you have specific criteria and a plan for self-assessment to determine when the time is right for you to make a move and to where you willmove? TRUTH #5: Communicating about certain age-related issues can be hard for some family members. If the dialog isn’t opened by someone, important topics may never be discussed. Families are busy. Life is happening. Crises are simply ever-evolving circumstances that occur gradually – then suddenly. When individuals and families are willing to talk about the “what-if’s” and the fears or concerns about the future, they manage crises more effectively and have fewer regrets. Transparency, honesty, and empathy for everyone involved are all important in these communications. Question for seniors: When is the best time to have “hard conversations” with the people who matter most in my life? Who will open the dialog? What is my goal forhaving these discussions? Who can help me get started? _________________________________ Choosing the best place to live as we get older is not a simple matter. In fact, a mere outline listing the complexities inherent in this decision would extend well beyond the allowable word count when you take the time to click HERE and read about “Moving As You Age: Where, When and How.”

Three Couples Teach Us about Downsizing Ups and Downs

If you have been following us at all, you know that our team strives to educate, equip and empower our clients as they buy a home, sell a home, or relocate from one place to the next – whatever the situation. To be effective, we do our best to stay current on the key issues affecting our clients and one way we do this is through hosting regular focus groups. We know that by surrounding ourselves with those who have “been there” and “done that” that we gain first-hand experience and real world knowledge. We take what we learn and tighten up our systems, improve our communications, and make changes where necessary. It’s all about getting better! Our most recent focus group involved three couples we had recently assisted with downsizing from their homes to area Continuing Care Retirement Communities (CCRCs). The conversation was lively and the insights were invaluable. We asked them to share their experiences of downsizing and below are just a few of the things that we learned: The biggest challenge was emotionally “giving up” personal collections. Things mentioned were books, tools, and guitars. Each person had something different they were challenged with releasing. All three couples used the same estate sale liquidator for dealing with the remaining items. Two of the three couples were dissatisfied with the estate sale, but for somewhat different reasons. The other couple was pleased overall. One female in the group was concerned about the itemized list and that some items weren’t noted as having been sold. She also noted they did not appear in any of the lots published online. Additionally, she was unaware that she as the client would be responsible for credit card charges, although this was in the contract. She expressed stress, frustration, irritation that it was not done the way she expected. Another female participant said she felt she did not ask enough questions about the contract and specifically how the fees were charged, and she did not like how some of the items were listed and portrayed, believing this was detrimental to what items could have sold for. She also said some items never made it into the sale, having been left in a closet at the home. The final couple was content that they did not receive an itemization (usually made available by request), concluding that it was the total they received that was more important to them than the individual prices each item sold for. Putting items in the right place during the resettling process was a big deal to all the couples. Some reported great outcomes with this, praising the move managers for a job well done. One gentleman, however, was not pleased in regard to books that were not returned to the bookshelf in any type of order based on how it was in his previous residence. He encouraged the move managers to take photos, make notes, etc. and place the books back in order. Photographs were noted as a source of frustration. With a lot to go through, this is a long project for some as they go through them one box at a time. Technology can be a concern. Move managers need to know how to hook up computers, phones, printers, etc. One participant noted that the move manager was familiar with wireless devices, but didn’t know his computer was plugged in directly, so it took longer than preferable to get sorted out. All the couples noted the importance of visiting multiple communities before choosing the one to move into. They all researched and selected based on their lifestyles now, but also future care needs. They all agreed it was important to eat there multiple times to see if you like the food and the dining arrangements. During meals and tours, the couples encouraged talking to people who live at the community and ask questions. They also cautioned that there are “complainers” at every community so you have to differentiate between people who elected to move there versus those who felt they were made to move there – not of their own accord. When asked what advice they would give to real estate agents (since they all had good experiences with Buckelew Realty Group), they noted three primary recommendations: 1) Keep people informed about what is coming next each step of the way. This provided comfort and helped them prepare in advance – no surprises, 2) Offer services including assistance with the move, house cleaning, and liquidation in addition to real estate so they only need to hire one service rather than worrying about finding people in all categories, and 3) Provide education on how to downsize successfully. They noted they had attended multiple seminars and met with all the senior living community vendors, attorneys, and other education partners in order to be prepared for their move. Beyond the specific comments, we made some observations of our own as we listened to the group, both during the live meeting and while listening to the recording later. One couple out of the three was recently moved and their home had not yet closed. You could tell a major difference in the level of stress between them and the others. They still had some hurdles to overcome and so they were not able to be fully settled and enjoy their new community. The other two, however, were fully immersed and engaged in various activities and meeting new people. Although we had requested written evaluations about the various aspects of the experiences including all services involving outside vendors, no one gave us the negative feedback about the estate liquidators. Until we asked specifically what issues they were dissatisfied about, they stayed quiet. Based on the tension when discussing it however, they had not really “let it go” but rather swept it under the rug instead. Pre-planning time and intention most definitely makes a difference in the overall ease and understanding of the various steps and services involved in the process. One couple

WHAT ARE MOVE MANAGEMENT SERVICES

When you think of moving, you undoubtedly recognize it as a big project. In this sense, you can think of move management services as project management. If you have ever moved, you also know that moving is a process, so move management services include process management. A move manager’s role is to streamline the moving process and provide guidance and support along the way. The goal is to reduce both the emotional and physical stress that can accompany a move. So, what is senior move management? Senior move management is simply move management services which cater to the more mature mover. Senior move managers are used to dealing with the complexities inherent in moves to retirement communities and 55+ apartment complexes. Among other things, they are also typically better trained at helping with the more emotional or sentimental aspects that can accompany moving from a longtime family residence or those that follow a death in the family. The more experienced move managers also have the training to work with those dealing with memory loss, dementia, or other physical or mental health challenges. Furthermore, regardless of training, not all move management companies or move managers are the same – some are more task-oriented, operating more like movers, while others are relationship-oriented, organizing the move process around both the physical and emotional needs of the client. Exceptional move managers are excellent at balancing both the client’s personal needs and goals with the physical tasks required for a successful and hassle-free move. Listed below are some of the various services move management companies offer: Initial consultation Goal setting and establishing a timeline is the first step in the process. A move manager will talk with you about your overall expectations and what you would like to accomplish. You will show your move manager around your home so he or she can assess the space you have now and compare it with the space to which you will be moving. This is the perfect time to ask questions about the overall process. Pre-move household preparations Every move and every client is unique, but regardless of the home size or length of residency, there is always a sorting, organizing, thinning, and packing process that must take place in preparation for a move. A move manager can personally assist you in this process including: Determining the “must-have” items, personal effects, and furnishings that you intend to move Sorting through closets, cupboards, and other hiding places to determine what to keep, donate, sell, repurpose, or give away Labeling, listing, and staging items to be packed and moved Space planning for your new residence Coordinating donation pickups and deliveries as needed This process can take a few hours, several days, or even a couple of months to complete. No matter the size or complexity of your move, it culminates with a final pre-move meeting usually taking place one or two days prior to the move. Throughout the process, a move manager will be with you every step of the way — sometimes by phone, email or text, but mostly you will be working together in person. Coordination of professional packing and moving services A move manager will arrange for estimates from reputable vendors and assist you in securing these services. The move cost is typically not included in the move management fee, but a move manager will be able to pass along any discounts they may have negotiated with certain vendors. Move day oversight and unpacking Your move manager will meet the movers and oversee the loading and unloading process. Upon arrival at your new residence, essential items will be unpacked and put away according to your instructions. Bed(s) will be made, bathrooms will be equipped, and your coffee or teapot readily available for use. Furniture will be positioned according to your preferences and empty boxes will be removed and discarded. Resettling Following your move, the move manager will assist you with becoming settled into your new residence. This may mean emptying remaining boxes and putting items away, hanging pictures, arranging for utilities, and assisting with organizing various services offered at your new community. The resettling process may take one day or it could take two or more depending on the size of your new residence. Liquidation of extra personal items When downsizing, you will not likely be moving everything from your current home to your new place. A move manager will explain the sale and donation options and help you determine which option best suits your goals. A move manager can also meet with vendors and assist with liquidation oversight. Professional referrals A move manager can connect you with other service providers such as Realtors, house cleaners, handymen, contractors, decorators, organizers, etc. Fees Some move managers charge by the hour and others may offer project rates. This will depend on the overall goals of the client and may depend on whether the move is local or out of area. Hourly rates in the Oklahoma City area usually range from $40-$75 per hour and may depend on how many people are needed to complete the move process. Project fees associated with a local move might range from $1000 to $3500 (plus the mover’s fee). Some or all of the fees may be reimbursed by the senior living community where you are moving. For more information about move management services in or around the Oklahoma City area, call us! 405-563-7101

thank god my attorney has connections

Meet Ray… My mom passed away last year. Although we all talked about the possibilities associated with my mom’s passing, I found myself simply unprepared for the tasks associated with closing out her estate. My siblings, although well-meaning, didn’t have the time nor expertise to help. I wasn’t sure what to do or where to turn. A bit like a fish out of water, I reached out to my mom’s family attorney. I later found out that she hadn’t spoken to him several years. He had done a Last Will and Testament for her and Dad way back, but since Dad’s death, she had not really needed their help. I guess that’s a good thing. Questions…questions…questions… Talking to the attorney about what steps I needed to take to close out my mom’s estate, he gave me a ton of information, but for the most part, he did the heavy lifting. There were petitions to be filed and court dates to be scheduled. It seems that I would need to be named as a personal representative before I could actually do anything to get the ball rolling. I would then be tasked with taking an inventory of what my mom owned and making plans for what to do with her things. Overwhelm… It would be one thing if all I needed to do was the legal stuff. The attorney was actually a really good guy. He kept me informed and seemed to know the in’s and out’s of the probate process. But what I quickly realized is that Mom had not really been too good at keeping up with her house. She had been in rather poor health for a while. She had accumulated a lot of stuff and wasn’t terribly organized. To put it simply, I was overwhelmed. My wife didn’t have time to deal with all this either. How could I even ask her? My brother and sister were both out of state and had full time jobs and kids. How would I get all of these things out so we could even start to think about selling the house? Thank goodness for experts… I mentioned to the attorney one day that I wasn’t sure what to do with Mom’s house. I told him I felt ill-equipped and didn’t know where to begin. Much to my surprise he said, “Oh, there are people who do all those things. They can help you sort through the personal items and choose what you want to keep and then help you liquidate the rest. They are called move managers and they can help with both the emotional and logistical challenges that seem so overwhelming.” He gave me the number for OKC Mature Moves and the rest is history. Not only did this group of people take the burden off of me and my siblings, but they seemed to really care about Mom and her legacy. I am so grateful to my attorney who made the introduction and who saved me a ton of time and frustration. In fact, I just referred him and the OKC Mature Moves team to a buddy of mine from high school who just lost his dad. Thank goodness for experts.

Financial Advisors Going Above & Beyond

Joyce tells her story My husband passed away last year in November. Although we had planned for many possible scenarios, I simply didn’t think this particular one would ever come true. But it did. Having no children or other family members to lean on, I wasn’t sure what to do or where to turn. My husband was my rock. Despite his physical challenges, he was the one who kept things going. He handled the finances, paid the bills, filed our tax returns, and made sure our home maintenance was kept up. He was my everything. Feeling a little lost and not sure where to begin, I decided to go meet with my financial advisor. I wanted to know more about our financial situation and to find out if I may be able to afford to move to an assisted living community where I could be around people. The thought of living alone, especially through the winter, was scary for me. Thank goodness for my financial advisor and his staff! My financial advisor knew I didn’t have any family to help me move and was kind enough to help me make arrangements. He and his assistant even loaded a few things in their cars and took them over to my new place. They helped me order a new twin bed that would fit better in the small apartment. I am very grateful to my advisor and his staff. But after they moved me, I was still unsure how I would get through the rest of my things and arrange to sell the house. I didn’t expect my advisor and his staff to do this. It did weigh heavily on me, however, because it was sitting there in my old home with no one to check in on it. My car was still in the garage and I figured the battery was probably drained. I was still paying utility bills, insurance, association fees, and other expenses in addition to the large rent payment at my new apartment. A miracle moment A couple of months after moving, a friend asked me to lunch. There were a few other women there I didn’t know. One of the women said that she specialized in assisting seniors like me with downsizing. She told me about their complete process including everything from start to finish. It was a miracle moment for sure and I talked her ear off for the entire meal. We made plans to meet again to discuss how to get the rest of my personal items to my new apartment and then get the home sold. We had no more gotten started when the unexpected happened. COVID-19 became a global pandemic. This required communities like mine to restrict visitors. I was also told I couldn’t go out because I might get the virus and bring it back to others. I felt defeated. In fact, I wondered how or when I would ever be able to take care of the things left at my old home. I also worried about the financial situation. As time went on, I really needed the funds from the sale of my home to continue paying my rent. It is rather expensive to live in assisted living. But even more than the money, I felt alone. Other people had their personal things to look at and books to read or hobbies to do. I had nothing of my own. It was all still at my home. It felt a bit like living in a hotel – except with no pictures on the walls. Zoom… zoom… zoom One day, out of the blue, the woman from OKC Mature Moves whom I had met at lunch called. She said she may have an idea about how to help get my things to me and get the house sold. She told me we could do a Zoom call. I had no idea what a Zoom call was, but I was happy to do it if she could teach me. She called my community and asked if they could provide me with a computer or tablet so we could talk. They did it! Next thing I knew, I was looking at my new friend on a monitor and we were creating a plan. The next time we talked (Zoomed) she was standing in the living room of my old house. Over the next several weeks we did three or four Zoom calls. Each time she walked me about my house so I could pick out what I wanted to keep and what I no longer needed. I was so blessed. Each call was two or three hours long and it was a lot of work – more for her and her assistants than for me, but making decisions was no easy task either. She told me it was normal to have what she called “decision fatigue.” So much stuff Once we had finished with the deciding, they boxed many things to be shipped to my sister out of state. They also boxed things to deliver to me. We still weren’t sure how I would get them, but this was a good first step. We marked the furniture I wanted delivered to my new apartment and made a list of things that could be sold or donated. My new friends at OKC Mature Moves (even though I was paying them, they seemed more like friends) arranged a meeting with an estate sale person. They told me all about how online sales work, but they really weren’t sure if there was enough left to sell for a profit. I had collections from many years that I really didn’t want to just give away, so they found a liquidator who would take on the sale. This process took a while. They finished it a few weeks later and I was so excited to get a check – not a lot, but it was something. Time to sell the home Then the house was to be sold. I

QUESTIONS TO ASK WHEN TOURING OKLAHOMA CITY RETIREMENT COMMUNITIES

We get it. If you’re an older adult cautiously considering the idea of moving into a senior retirement community, the notion can be overwhelming. And, if you’re a family member helping an elder you love to prepare for the future, the confusion can be just as intense. Yes, there are many, many things to consider, so just where should one begin? Sure, the questions may be basic like “Where are the best retirement communities in Edmond?” or “How much does a senior community in northwest Oklahoma City cost?” or “Are there nice retirement communities around Bethany?” Other questions can be more complex. In our Downsizing Made Easy guidebook we offer a list of questions for Senior Living Community Tours designed to help you navigate through the sensory overload and racing mind that’s sure to accompany your initial visits to these communities. The most important thing to remember is that it’s perfectly natural to feel a bit overwhelmed and more than a little confused. After all, this is indeed a pretty major life event for either yourself or someone you care about and it is probably also fraught with a huge jumble of emotions. All too often, older adults and their family members trudge through these visits in a daze, trying their best to make sense of it all and visualize how things will “play out,” yet still remain completely oblivious to some very basic items to consider. To make it easier for you, here are a few of the primary points to ponder. Is there an upfront fee or is it simply month-to-month? Ever joined a gym or fitness center? If so, then you’re probably aware of their bevy of “initiation fees” and “annual fees” in addition to the regular monthly fee. Many senior living communities have the same sort of fees. In fact, this may be one of the first questions you’ll want to ask a community even before scheduling a tour. But be careful to compare apples with apples and not apples with oranges. Don’t scratch a community off your list based purely on pricing until you know what specifically the fees include — both in the short and the long term. Are pets allowed? If so, is there an additional fee? If your pet means absolutely everything to you, this question is pretty vital. And it’s possible that additional fees exist if you want your sweet Scottie or furry feline to move in with you. Some communities may only allow pets on the first floor. How often does the rent increase? Ask anyone who lives in an apartment and they’ll probably tell you that rent increases come annually. Expect rent increases from 2% to as much as 5% annually. This is largely dictated by supply and demand. But since every community is different, be sure to ask. Also, be sure to look at the contract for specifics. What utilities are included in the monthly rent? Most all-inclusive communities include utilities in the rent. Some 55+ apartment complexes may only cover the water, sewer, and garbage bills. And don’t make assumptions about the internet and wi-fi. Even if they include it, it will be the basic service. Any upgrades will be at your expense. Always ask about the specifics. What is the level of functioning of current residents? Do they seem to be at a higher or lower level than you? How do you feel about this? You’ll want to live in a community where the majority of residents are as active as you are – both physically and mentally. Regardless of whether the community is a good financial fit, it’s vital for you to remain vibrant, and you simply can’t do that if most of your neighbors are much older and experiencing drastically reduced health. Our guide “Downsizing Made Easy” spells out many more questions and scenarios while offering further advice. The guide is provided complimentary to those we meet with for personal downsizing consultations. And, of course, if you live in the Oklahoma City area and are planning a move to a senior retirement community or assisted living, please feel free to contact us at any time for further advice and a no-obligation chat concerning your move. Our team can help you devise a budget, narrow down the options, and provide tips and guidance for all aspects of the move. Receive a free copy of our “Downsizing Made Easy” guide when you meet with us for a personal consultation. What Other Questions Would You Like Answered? Call us anytime! 405-563-7101

UNDERSTANDING OKLAHOMA CITY ESTATE SALES AND AUCTIONS

Hmm. You may come across a very cool Barry Sanders Oklahoma State Cowboys football jersey from 1987. But that’s really the only difference between an Oklahoma City estate sale this weekend and one in any other state in the U.S. We just have cooler stuff in OKC! Also called an estate auction, there’s no better way for treasure hunters to while away a few hours on a Saturday morning than sifting through goodies galore at an Oklahoma City estate sale. And, if you’re the individual or family selling the stuff, an estate sale is an ideal way to downsize and professionally liquidate unwanted possessions while making (hopefully) a little extra money. It’s common for folks to believe that an estate sale in Edmond, Yukon, Mustang, Moore, or anywhere across OKC is something held upon the death of a person, but more and more people and families are utilizing estate auctions and sales to downsize themselves into a new (smaller) home, condominium, or, in some instances, to help finance moving to an independent or assisted living community. In our 40-plus page guide book “Downsizing Made Easy,” we outline a wide variety of things to understand when considering an estate sale or auction. Here are a few of those: Should I Hold an Estate Sale or Estate Auction? Which is Better? This largely depends upon time and the nature of the stuff you have to liquidate. Auctions require less time to prepare and hold, while estate sales can demand a bit of prep time. Estate auctions are excellent options when you are selling collectibles, art, vehicles, or equipment. What do Estate Sale Companies Charge? Expect an estate sale company to take between 35-50% of the gross proceeds for their services with the possibility of additional costs if any items need to be transported elsewhere for sale. This is true for auctions as well, although, each estate liquidation service is different, so be sure you are comparing apples with apples when inquiring about fees and services. Is it Worth It? Estate sale and estate auction companies in Oklahoma City are experts at evaluating, pricing, and selling items. You’ll get better prices for your items because people come to estate sales expecting to pay fair prices, unlike garage sales where they expect to get everything cheaply. Plus, estate liquidators in Oklahoma do all of the marketing, draw crowds, and handle all the work, including setup, cleanup, and sales tax. Even after the commission, most folks with extensive belongings make far more using an estate sale company than they would have going it alone. When is it NOT worth it? Sometimes there just isn’t enough left after a move to warrant a sale. Most companies charge a minimum fee which covers their cost of set up, advertising, and staffing. If what you have to sell isn’t enough to cover their minimum fee, you could end up owing money at the end of the sale. In this case, it may be better to call a “buy out” person to come and make an offer on the remaining household items (i.e. misc. furniture, dishes, decor, etc.). A buy-out company or person will pay you a flat fee for the balance of your goods and haul them away at their expense. Don’t expect much though – they are buying it with the intention of making money themselves when reselling. Another option is donating the remaining items to a charity. Some charities take specific types of donations like furniture, clothes, household goods, etc. In some cases, the charity will pick up and in others, you will have to deliver the items to a drop-off site. Either way, be sure to get a tax receipt so you can write the donation off on your tax returns. Let us handle the heavy lifting As a move management company, we have extensive experience in working with Oklahoma City estate sale companies. We’ve even vetted professionals that we refer on a regular basis as part of our provider team. And, when you hire us to help you with your move, our move managers will work intensely with the liquidation companies, helping to coordinate the entire process, and relieving YOU of the extra work involved with clearing out your home. Contact us if you are considering a move or need recommendations for professional, honest, and reliable estate sales or estate auction companies in Oklahoma. Additionally, would you like your own personal copy of our “Downsizing Made Easy” guidebook? It’s free of charge when you schedule a personal consultation with us to discuss selling your house, downsizing, liquidating an estate, or finding a senior living community in Oklahoma City, including Moore, Edmond, Yukon, Mustang, and the Greater OKC Metro area!

CHOOSING OUR TRUSTED REFERRAL PARTNERS: HOW WE DO IT

I wrote a blog a while back on how our team focuses on being educators and advocates before anything else and thought that those who read it may be curious as to just how we go about choosing which referral partners become a part of our trusted professional network of service providers. So, if you are curious, here is a bit about our process…. Step 1: Clarity about our standards First we developed standards for the type of person or organization that we would consider as trusted providers in a variety of areas. As you can imagine, due to the nature of our business, there are lots of people, services, and organizations that may be involved in working with our clients from time to time. By having standards, we are able to weed out the chaff and only get into relationship with quality folks. As you read the criterion for becoming an OKC Mature Moves trusted referral partner, you may be surprised to find that we are not just focused on services — we are focused on purpose and intention, as well as the approach and fundamental values by which people operate. Step 2: Information gathering and vetting We seek out potential partners and take applications from those want to be considered a part of our team. I say ‘team’ because if they truly are a fit, this is how we function…like a winning team. The application gives us basic information about services they provide, references we can call, and the applicability of their services to our clients. Step 3: Personal interviews We meet with each and every potential referral partner personally. Depending on the company and the nature of their business, we may want to meet with the owner or the manager, but sometimes we want to meet with their day-to-day service providers too. We have learned over the years that managers and owners can be excellent spokespeople, but not necessarily excellent at hiring or training. Not only are we looking at what type of services they provide and how they provide them — we are assessing WHY they do what they do. Are they money motivated or people motivated — are they servant leadership minded or are they in business strictly for profit sake? Step 4: Background and insurance Following a personal interview, assuming they have met our what, how, who, and why criteria, we seek to verify information such as insurance, licensure, references, and other pertinent details. Sometimes this is easier said than done, but when our clients count on us for only referring the most reputable and capable service providers and companies, we believe it is worth the effort and time it takes. Step 5: Inspect what we expect Last, but certainly not least, we closely monitor how our partners work together with our clients. Does this person serve our client as an extension of our team and with the same high level of service that we expect for ourselves? Are we proud to say we recommended them? As long as the answers to these questions are ‘yes,’ they continue as trusted referral partners. If not, we set them free and top grade by choosing other providers who fit the criteria. You see, here at OKC Mature Moves, we serve in the role of coach and quarterback, calling the plays and leading the team. Each team member is masterful in his or her position and is able to execute plays on behalf of our client and the transaction effortlessly and flawlessly the majority of the time. What happens when someone drops the ball? While trusted referral partner selections are based on pre-established criterion, personal interviews, and favorable third party references, the reality is that the only way to find out if a team member is a fit in “real life” is by working together. When it comes to dropped balls, it’s how they are handled that ultimately counts. At OKC Mature Moves, we aren’t perfect, but we have integrity and we do what is right — regardless of the reasons it didn’t go right. Our referral partners must do the same or they aren’t referral partners any longer. Integrity It’s important to point out here that ultimately there is one criteria we weigh most heavily in our selection process — Integrity. With the number of people, companies, and organizations out there explicitly devoted to exploiting the vulnerabilities of our elders, we have taken a stance. We don’t partner with just anyone. We know that there are times when the right thing for the client is in direct opposition to what is best for our own bottom line. There are also times that, through education, the information we provide may influence a client to make a decision that negatively impacts the bottom line of a referral partner. Our partners know (and concur) that the clients’ bests interests ALWAYS supersede those of our own. Thank you for taking the time to learn more about our process at OKC Mature Moves and if we can ever be of service to you, please call us at 405-563-7101! If you are a service provider who caters to mature clients and their family members or caregivers, please join us in our efforts to educate, empower, and equip Oklahoma’s downsizing and relocating seniors by filling out an application!

PLEASE STOP PUSHING ME!

As kids my grandfather gave us an old riding lawn mower. He had taken the blade off, so for us, it was simply a slow moving go-cart of sorts. Well, as kids would, we wanted it to go faster and attempted a variety of creative ways to make this happen. My uncle was particularly helpful, although sometimes his idea of “fun” pushed my instinctual boundaries for safety. One day, we decided it might be a good idea to direct the make-shift go-cart down a path into the nearby canyon. As I sat on the seat, still determining if this was a “smart” choice, my uncle was pushing me relentlessly from behind and yelling, “go! go! go!” As I held one foot squarely on the brake and one foot on the gas, my heart knew it was going to be a blast. The problem was that my mind was not necessarily in agreement. That voice was saying, “No, don’t do it! Are you crazy?” Have you ever met someone in this situation? They have one foot on the brake and one on the gas. They presumably want to take action toward something that seems like a good idea, but something is holding them back? I know lots of these people and actually, I am one of them from time to time too! The people I come across through our move management business are those grappling with the fact their aging bodies are not cooperating with their youthful minds. Despite their otherwise youthful self-image, all evidence of youth is literally falling down around them. Maybe they have had a recent joint replacement or heart procedure, or they are suffering from the long-term effects of an irreversible disease or condition. Of course, then there’s the issue of energy, ability, and desire — sometimes things just seem harder than they used to. In this situation, people are often thinking about moving. Maybe to a retirement community or just something smaller or more manageable. Keep in mind that more often than not, in this scenario anyway, they have typically been encouraged by others to entertain this idea. Loving and concerned friends, family, or neighbors have planted the seed – insisting they should at least look at their options. Overcoming the urge to brake Like me and my lawn-mower go-cart, some part of them begins to think this would be a good idea, while the other part of them is insisting, “No way…keep your foot on the brake…this is crazy!” This indecision can go on for years in some cases. And we all know that indecision causes stress, illness, and emotional upheaval, right? So, why? Why do people have such a hard time making this decision? My observation is that people are caught between two realities. One reality is the one they have created in their own mind about staying, while the other reality is the one created about moving elsewhere. The truth? Well, it most certainly lies somewhere in the middle. Pushing doesn’t help I can promise you that when my uncle was pushing my cart toward the canyon while I had my foot planted firmly on the brake, I was going to win the battle at all costs. There was absolutely no possibility of his getting me down into that canyon if I didn’t want to go! The same is true of those people we love, and for whom we want the best, when they are pushed to make a move they have not yet decided is in their best interests. In fact, pushing only creates push-back and longterm push-back ultimately leads to resentment. I have seen it happen on many occasions whereby a person moves to a retirement community because they felt such great pressure from their well-meaning children. The animosity this creates causes a huge chasm, ultimately destroying an otherwise loving or at least civil relationship. Even when the ultimate outcome of the move turns out to be positive, the latent resentment often remains. We all want to be the captain of our own ship. Yes, I changed metaphors here, but you get the idea. No one wants to be pushed and we all want to believe that we can set our sail and go the direction we choose in life. It’s just part of our DNA and it doesn’t change with age. I have two points I am trying to make here, so I’ll just cut to the chase.? Point #1: For those feeling pushed When you are feeling pushed, say so! Speak up. Interrupt the normal flow of conversation and interaction and simply inform your pushers that you are feeling a pressure to decide and that it’s uncomfortable. Tell them you would like to understand their reasons for pushing you and listen with curiosity to what they have to say. Hear them out! Then, share your reasons for riding the brakes. Be clear with them about what your fears, concerns, and questions are so they understand your position as well. Let’s be clear — this is not about justification of your decision (or indecision), it’s simply about getting on the same page about your decision-making process. By doing so, you are illustrating that your decision to not move forward is well-formulated and that you are clear about what needs to occur for you to make a different choice. Otherwise, your pushers will think you are simply “stubborn,” or not thinking clearly. Point #2: For those doing the pushing You already know this, but here it is…Pushing only creates push-back! You may win the battle eventually, but no matter how great the ride (or how right you are), the relationship will ultimately suffer. You won’t like this statement much, but the reality for you is that while you may think you are doing what is best for the other person, you are actually pushing out of a place of selfishness. You may be trying to avoid ultimate guilt associated with your perceived future picture of a negative event (i.e. fall,

HAPPY ENDINGS FOLLOWED BY HAPPY BEGINNINGS

For over two decades we’ve worked with seniors and senior communities. Our streamlined process is guided by a simple idea: When downsizing, our clients should be overjoyed, not overwhelmed. Every moving story deserves a happy ending like a recent one shared below. Eloise and Robert After celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and enjoying retirement, life was good. Enough money to live comfortably, travel a bit, time for the grandkids and a home without a mortgage were sweet rewards they’d worked hard for. But life had other plans. Robert was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. Eloise did all she could but soon realized her inability to manage the household and Robert’s treatment regimen as his condition worsened. He bristled, understandably, when she mentioned moving to a nearby life plan community, but agreed to explore downsizing. It made sense. One visit to a nearby senior living community changed everything. Robert feared a dreary place, like where his father had spent his last days. Happily, this was not the case! “I felt like I was at a nice hotel where I was a valued guest. People were active and the staff was very friendly.” End to End Support When the community-recommended OKC Mature Moves, the goal was to make the process as turnkey as possible. They knew our team would go beyond the expected; organizing pre-move details, coordinating and overseeing the actual move, helping to settle in, and helping dispose of what they no longer needed. Working closely with their new community, they moved with less stress, fully supported before, during and after. Now happily settled in their new place, Eloise and Robert enjoy outings with friends, new hobbies, and an easier-to-manage home. Robert does only what he enjoys and doesn’t miss household chores. Eloise happily fills her days cooking (for fun!), painting, volunteering, Facebooking, and visiting grandkids. Best of all, they were able to continue with a Friday evening tradition of watching classic movies together. Happy New Beginnings Every moving story deserves a happy ending followed by a Happy New Beginning, and we look forward to helping you create yours! Give us a call! 405-563-7101

MOVING AS YOU AGE: WHERE, WHEN AND HOW

Choosing the best place to live as we get older is not a simple matter. In fact, a mere outline listing the complexities inherent in this decision would extend well beyond the allowable word count for this article. That said, let’s look at 3 of the most frequently asked questions and some possible answers to each. Question 1: Where will I live? The challenge with this question is that one additional word usually falls at the end of it. That word is “if.” Where will I live if my health declines? Where will I live if my spouse dies before I do? Where will I live if I can no longer take care of my home? Where will I live if I can’t drive? Without a crystal ball, no one can know for sure what their future will hold. But instead of talking about it, most people just push aside the thoughts of potentially needing to relocate. While addressing the questions outright may cause anxiety or uncomfortable conversations, not dealing with them creates even more internal stress and anxiety. Did you know that it’s stress and anxiety that, according to many studies, actually accelerates unhealthy aging and disease processes? ANSWER Plan ahead and create a game plan for the “what ifs” of life. Address the questions, concerns, fears, and uncertainties head-on. Talk with your family and meet with your financial advisor. Research both independent and supportive housing options. Be proactive rather than reactive so you can focus your attention on living more fully today instead of worrying about the future. Question 2: When is the best time to move? There is not a one-size-fits-all answer to this question either. The short answer is simply: Before you ‘need’ to. You see, too many people are relocating reactively instead of proactively. They choose not to deal with the questions of life mentioned above in the first part of the article. Instead, they wait until they (and their home) are in poor condition and they move out of necessity instead of by choice. Studies show that people who move involuntarily have significantly increased levels of depression and show steeper declines in physical health than do those who relocate voluntarily. It may make sense to consider market conditions and housing availability in your decision about when to move, however, your health and perceived future healthcare needs should be the highest priority. ANSWER Be proactive and makes changes earlier than later. If you live in a two-story home, consider moving to a one story before you can no longer manage the steps. Married couples might consider downsizing together instead of leaving the task for their widow to handle alone. Thinking down the road and if finances will allow, consider the life-care community option while you are still healthy enough to qualify. Question 3: How will I physically manage a move? After decades of living in the same home, many people have collected more than they need. Closets are overstuffed, cabinets are packed, and hutches contain sentimental sets of family heirloom china (which adult children have no interest in). When you add garages, shop buildings, storage containers, junk drawers, and attics to the mix, it can all seem insurmountable. This overwhelm is largely due to 2 things: 1) False assumptions about the difficulty of liquidating these items, and 2) The task of physically and/or emotionally parting with years of accumulation. ANSWER Hire professionals to simplify the process. Too many people either try to manage the liquidation and move process themselves or ask family to do it. With adult children spread across the country, working full-time jobs, or dealing with their own challenges, arranging for help is not always easy. Furthermore, adult children may not be the best resource due to their own emotional stake in the accumulation of household items, thus proving ineffective at supporting downsizing efforts. Conversely, adult children may be completely detached, rushed, or pushy, making sorting and deciding what to keep or leave behind an arduous and emotionally painful task. While it may cost you a little extra, hiring a professional move manager ensures you remain in the driver’s seat concerning decision-making. It also guarantees you will have an experienced guide for navigating relocation logistics and hands-on physical support for downsizing and relocation-related tasks. People usually say the peace of mind they receive from their move manager was worth far more than the fee paid for the service. They also remark that the fee was much less than they expected to pay. ____________________ For more information about downsizing, rightsizing, decluttering, and comprehensive, personalized move management services offered in the Oklahoma City metropolitan area, contact OKC Mature Moves at 405.563.7101.

HAPPY INTERDEPENDENCE DAY

No. I didn’t misspell the title of the post. But thank you for noticing. In fact, now that you’re here, go ahead and scan the rest of the article and see if you can find anything else that causes you to do a double-take! The word independence has been on my mind a lot lately. The seed for this blog was planted several years ago as Chris and I were becoming empty nesters. At that time I was considering what it meant to raise children to be self-sufficient productive young adults, and more importantly, off the household payroll. The idea of independence overtook my thoughts again recently as I thought about what living independently means as we age. In preparation for a recent panel on “The Truth About Independent Living Options” at the Senior Living Truth Series, I found myself grappling with how to best help an over 65 crowd understand and conceptualize what it meant to move into an independent senior living community. Naturally, it all came together for me recently on the 4th of July, when everywhere I looked I saw representations of our country’s Independence Day celebration of freedom. I couldn’t help but notice the many people proudly wearing shirts, shorts, and caps with varying designs of the American flag — most likely all made in China — and wonder if they had even taken a moment to consider what they were really celebrating. What is independence, really? According to the Googler, this is the definition of the word independence. You can also look up the word “independent” for which you will find at least 17 different descriptors under the adjective. Most of these say basically the same thing, but your own understanding of it is the real key here. What I believe about independent living… Despite what the dictionary says, I contend that as individuals we all rely on each other to some degree in virtually every area of our lives. Thus, there is no such thing as living independently. Case in point… Personally, I rely on others (some paid and others not) for moral and emotional support at least a few times a week. They help me think more clearly, work through tough issues, and give me strength and encouragement when I need it most. I also rely on others for services. Thank goodness for people who know how to fix things like appliances, computers, furniture, cars, and other items for which I have become reliant. Oh, and let’s not forget that someone manufactured, packaged, shipped, and sold me those items to begin with. The same goes for food. I certainly don’t grow my own produce, raise my own livestock, or brew my own beer. When I am sick or have an accident requiring more than a Bandaid, I seek medical help. Here, doctors, nurses, and an array of other skillful people help me to feel better. And then, of course, there are the people who supply me with little things like ibuprofen and sunscreen — two daily staples that I would be lost without. Yes — I rely on others for my health and wellbeing. We live in a condo. It provides us with shelter from the weather, climate control, and a place to prepare our food, etc. I didn’t build it. Someone else built it — several some one else’s in fact. Lastly, beyond just my personal day-to-day needs and wants, I recognize that many of the things that I have in my life are provided by people who I will never meet from places I will likely never even visit. Our world is actually very small. International shipments are delivered each and every day by boat and by plane. This global economy on which we all rely is just one more indication that we are not independent. Independent thinking creates problems It seems to me that trying to be independent creates more problems than it does value. In fact, independent living it’s a flat out lie that we have bought into and that we tell ourselves is true. It is something we have made up and worse yet, we celebrate it. I believe that at some level it’s this goal of living independently that perpetuates an ever-present feeling of failure from the time we are young adults throughout old age. It is also a belief that serves to keep us separate — it paints a picture of us vs. them, when in reality we need each other and rely on each other for so much. Let’s face it — We are interdependent! While independence seems like a grand ideal and one worthy of admiration and celebration, we are not independent — we are completely and totally interdependent. Yes, we may have certain freedoms (a different construct altogether) and we as Americans may have the ability to assert those freedoms, but having freedom isn’t the same as living independently. Freedom from tyranny and having personal rights to do or not do something is one thing — to make choices. It is not the same as independence, however, so let’s not confuse the two. What would happen if we used our freedom to embrace interdependence? I can tell you that had I grasped this reality in my younger years I would have taught my children differently. I would have helped them to see the value in partnering and collaborating with others instead of asserting, “You can do it yourself. You don’t need help.” I would also likely be less of a self-described control freak and a better leader if I had realized earlier that we need each other to make a bigger impact and positive difference in the lives of others. I also think that aging would be much easier on people if we adopted the idea of interdependence as an ideal instead of insisting that we don’t need help and that by asking for it we are somehow weak, frail, or incapable. Even the idea of calling senior communities “independent living” is ridiculous. The

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